Date: July 11, 2010 8:35:55 PM EDT
Subject: A letter: To whom it may concern
Source: Victoria Maundrell
Dear Sir or Madame,
I am writing to you today in regards to my numerous attempts at getting a "live" (no pun intended) operator to handle my claim. On June 9th I signed up to become a member of your considerate establishment Undying Love "helping humans find there undead soul mate". Well I can see that my check for $1200.00 was cashed in an off shore account and I've filled out all of my documents and took your extremly extensive "compatability test". But I have yet to hear from any of the eligible bachelors or Counts or whatever you call them. Is "vampire" a politically correct term? Should I say the living "challenged"? I don’t want to offend anyone; I just want to be MADE (like on Mtv) and rich and well here's my dating profile perhaps you can give me some pointers on what to do.
Account Number: 8675309
Name: Victoria Maundrell
Age: Whatever age you like
Height:5'6
Weight:150 plus ish
Hair: Yes I have hair
Eyes: Yes I have eyes that work
Scars or tatoos: No scars but freckles
Hobbbies: I enjoy pagen arts (wicca), no sacraficing or anything totally creepy like that, dont like beaches unless theres alcoholic beverages being served, enjoy shopping so you better have lots of money, I like to be pampered but not diapered, as wel as all music except country and any other music thats super slow unless it's classical. I enjoy laughing so you can't be a total stiff (lol i said stiff cause your dead, you get it? stiff/dead) And you must be willing to turn me as well. Or this is gonna be a waste of both your time and mine and unlike you I dont have FOREVER!!! So basicly I'm looking for another baby daddy to foot the bill and treat me like a total Queen for all eternity.
I think this is what all guys dead and undead are looking for, please help me as you promised in your commercials. I need a vampire and fast, im getting older by the second.
Warmest Regards,
Victoria Maundrell
(Hopeless Romantic) *deep sigh*
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